Showing posts with label elegy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label elegy. Show all posts

Sunday, June 28, 2020

Marshall

I heard the game was tough, and they lost,
despairing in muddy jerseys,
turf jutting from face guards and heavy cleats.

Sweat-stained and sore, they showered,
and the camaraderie of the locker room
broke through the stern silence with boyish laughter.
Weekend plans made, they climbed into the chartered bus
and drove slowly through the misty night
to the airport, to go home, back to West Virginia.

The plane gleamed reassuringly, like technology always does.
The power of the lift, the whine of competent engines
flinging them into the clouds, driving them high beyond the storm
into the clear, star-filled night. But the flight was rough, and
nearing their goal, it happened; a jolting shudder,
surprised looks, and amid the confusion of savage g-forces
suddenly nothing remained but flames
and twisted metal
and silence
on the charred mountain.

This is when I first became acquainted with death.

These were my friends, my old team-mates;
two years before we jogged in the hot August sun
and ranged through snowy October backfields;
like dangerous tigers we hunted quarterbacks,
thinking we were forever young and strong
and invincible.

Jack Rapasy, Bob Harris, and Mark Andrews:

Jack was the joker, but he could catch a bullet
six feet over his head, and leave two defenders
to slam into each other as they met, mid –air,
where he was,
while he ambled smiling to the end-zone.

And Bob could throw that bullet, his baby-face
And million dollar smile belying muscle-thick arms,
rocket launchers, splitting Friday nights with their fire.

But Mark, gentle giant of a linesman, was like my
big brother; he taught me how to shift and pull and trap,
and admired my fierce tackle, my willingness
to sacrifice clarity to stop a power-sweep.

We grew up together, but Mark died far from home.

Their three caskets in our high school gym lay,
while I, staring at glaring metal,
stood silent and amazed
that never would they run,
or throw, or tackle, or smile, or laugh,
or again be.

(6/23/2014)

Saturday, May 11, 2019

Aubade: Vale of Tears


Photo Brian Federle, Sun in Trees, Russian River. April 2016

Morning fog
caressed
my winter tears

as unseen geese
(noisy gaggle)
crossed the opaque sky.

Things well hidden
confuse
my fragile faith,

so when bright, piercing rays
broke through
this lonely vale of tears

I thought it was only the sun
not the golden light,
desire of my fleeting years.

Sunday, March 24, 2019

A Father's Lament

Photo Brian Federle, Hawaii, 2016


Spring fills this dry land
With life, yet
I cannot see your face
or embrace you with a father’s love
as I did when last you filled our lives
with your easy laughter
and beautiful eyes.

Shall I speak to you, tell  how
small birds gather
in the budding apple tree
hungry no more,
filled with joy?

I cry out to you
and the startled birds
fall into silence,

Let me tell you, then,
Of my new life without you.

Deep in my side I feel endless pain
where my heart once beat;
now I merely breathe
emptiness.

My son, oh, where have you gone?
Call to me from the brilliant heights,

for deep in darkness I lie
crying to see you just
one more
time.

(for Brian Federle, 3/4/86 - 3/25/17)

Monday, November 27, 2017

The Light in November

Photo: Brian Federle,  Oregon, 2012.


The light in November slants low.
It fills my eyes as I glance
askance through amber trees
and see the leaves descend in
gold flashes
past my open window.

The autumn sun skirts
my low Suisun hills
casting deep shadows
along the ebbing marsh

where wading egrets probe
still, black waters

and finding their prize
rise to blue heaven,
white, slender wings
elegantly beating
the softly falling sun.

(2012-2017)

Friday, November 10, 2017

November Sky

See the perfect sky of November
cloudless, cool, southern sun,
garden of blue eternity


vaulting over rioting trees, leaves
shouting that life is good
as they fall, and with red cover
the green world


with perfect red
as in perfect blue
life turns inward,


like the planet,
pursuing


the fleeting sun’s
fading hue.

(2013 - rev. 2017)

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

November 1978




i.
November lies in wait, violent month
stripping life from the garden
wind ripping leaves from living trees.

So much can happen after the harvest,
life can be broken,
the grave made rich.



ii.


Kennedy rode exposed in the cold Dallas sun
when a bullet ripped the November air, and
dark winds ran riot through fields of heaven,

dirty cyclones scattering dust
into our stinging eyes

and we cried under the black crepe
draped over blank, empty windows.
























iii.



November, 1978, loomed large

in the twilight haze as we waited
and uneasily watched the news.

In thirsty Jonestown
the November heat swelled
the bodies of black children,
huddled in the arms of still mothers,
empty paper cups strewn on the ground
dripping purple Kool-Aid, happy drink for a hot day,
poisoned with bitter megalomania.

The stench of fear
permeated Geary Boulevard,
filling the looming, empty halls
of the People's Temple.

Protected by the glass wall of my television
I observed this distant slaughter
my eyes spared from the sting
of personal tears.


iii

But November soon became personal,
and quickly took my father
and left me stunned,
empty and cold as frozen Ohio.





Bad comes in threes,
and in my rented car,
on the way home from the cemetery,
I heard of bloody mayhem in San Francisco,
madness splattering City Hall,
in the thick blood of Moscone and Milk,
struck down on a cloudy
November day.


(22 Nov. 2013)


Monday, December 28, 2015

One Simple Motion

The house is dark again.

Music drifts,
softly settles,
like dust
on my face.

Now is the time
when veils decline-

when I can see
the faint motion
of breath,

my chest rising and
falling, life expelled
and pulled sharply back:

living and dying
in one, simple
motion.


(22 July 2014)

Monday, December 14, 2015

Elegy for Mary

though the sun rises
as usual.
                     
Routine
binds together days
and keeps my gaze
firmly fixed on
here and now.

First coffee,
then showered and dressed
I start another commute
down wet roads,
through misty
grey hills;

but today I stop
and think of you
your gentle laugh, the joy
buried In a cold Ohio field

and my throat tightens.

I can’t breathe, my eyes blur
until deeply sighing
I whisper the prayer
you taught me

and again see
the living world
with unclouded eyes

and go on.

(1 Dec. 2012)

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Wakeful Hills

“We have become more humble than the rocks,
More wakeful than the patient hills.”  Thomas Merton A Book of Hours


The morning fog flows like milk
through folded brown hills,
cream spilled on dry grass;


then the sun rises, rolling fog
into shimmering waves
before the hard hand of
simmering noon-day.


But you permit no illusion.


I see what is hidden
beneath the dark oak tree
under these dry rocks
what is given to me:


down shimmering highways
past white valleys of bone
I’ll glide till I become
the humble stone.

(30 August 2013)

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Elegy for Jeanette

Every moment and every event of every man's life on earth plants something in his soul. For just as the wind carries thousands of winged seeds, so each moment brings with it germs of spiritual vitality that come to rest imperceptibly in the minds and wills of men.”  Thomas Merton

The moment you died
I felt a breeze rise
tussle of wind
tumult of 

transfiguration.

Nothing is the same.
since your soul
broke through.

My eyes sting
with tears
with grief
with the sharp seeds
of ecstasy.

In the beautiful box
you lay, wrinkled brow
withered hands
pampered
by white silk,  
thrall to the embrace
of never ending
grace.

And so I leave you
in this shadowed place.

Gaping and dumb,
I can say nothing
but “fare thee well,
oh great soul,
and to heaven
quickly flee!”


(24 January 2013)

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Sky is Slate

sky is slate
trees like surf
rolling waves
rush in
converge

night’s rising
the earth unfurls
darkness filling
the waning
world.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Gate of Heaven



Through rolling green hills, in the bright winter dawn
together we’ll go  to this wide winter lawn
over trails anointed by generations of tears
we’ll bring your still heart and at last face our fears.

For this is the field of our lingering pain
terminus for the somber parade
bodies blessed, broken and dressed for the grave.

But then, when the living have gone to warm homes,
you’ll stay in this place under the bright, cold dome
and wait ‘neath the grass of this wind-swept plain
for what will come next;  you'll rise once again.


For this is the field of our lingering pain
terminus for the somber parade
bodies blessed, broken and dressed for the grave.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Before the Funeral

Mountains
surround me.

Black ridges
scrape the sky.

Raw lacerations.

Gone are the songs of
hopeful winter birds,

gone to the mountains
of the sun.

In the valley of the moon,
bitter desolation.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

His Secret

"There must be a time of day when the man who has to speak falls very silent. And his mind forms no more propositions, and he asks himself: Did they have a meaning?"Thomas Merton

The pain cuts me
Like an edge of ice
Cutting brightly
Into thickening
darkness.

We walked slowly
To his grave.
The grass was wet
With winter's dew
Newly melted In
the warming sun.

I saw it,
The newly turned soil,
A few rocks
Glittering joyfully
After a million years In
underground darkness,
Raised at last,
Bare and sparkling
In the black earth.

Silence,
Stillness in the field,
The wind intimating
His newfound secret.